


I Need You

by hermione_danger256 (orphan_account)



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phandom
Genre: 2012 Phan, 2012 angst, Angst, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-30 04:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5149901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/hermione_danger256
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I Need You<br/>Words: 1.7K wtf</p><p>Summary: Dan and Phil have been drifting apart lately, and they constantly wonder, is love really worth it?</p><p>Genre: ANGST ANGST ANGST</p><p>Inspiration: the song “I Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum</p><p>Beta: the amazing and awesome and just wonderful phan-overdose.tumblr.com (tysm sophia!)</p><p>Warnings: i tried to make it sad idk if it worked, alchohol mention, cussing, food mentions, angst in general, i apologize in advance for shitty plot and my shitty transitions I’m still trying to improve my writing !</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Need You

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: Idk where this came from, but i just needed to write something and I was just thinking about 2012 phan and yeh, also I wrote this while listening to troye on repeat can you tell? i’m kinda sorta proud of this ngl, i’ve never written more than 500 words in a fic, so 1.7K is just !!!!
> 
> i think i pressed something by accident that "translated" the fic (?) and some words are kinda out of place so ii'll fix it when i get the chance!

“How’s Dan?” Phil’s mum asked over the phone. The question Phil had been asking himself had finally been asked aloud.

“He’s fine… probably.” Phil’s voice cracked. “I’ve got to finish cooking dinner mum, I’ll call you later.” Phil put down the phone with a sigh.

Dan had been acting differently for a while now, and Phil was the first to notice. They’d get comments on their videos about their relationship, and Dan would be the first to deny it. He’d gotten to the point where he’d stopped sleeping with Phil. They were dating for fuck’s sake, and it wasn’t like the fans could see what they did every second of the day. Phil was worried he’d done something wrong. 

A month had passed since the phone call and Dan had been acting the same. He’d move away from Phil in videos, he’d try to avoid eye contact, and Phil didn’t like it. 

It was weird, they’d always done everything together, ever since they met. They’d stayed together at parties, at YouTube conventions, everywhere, but now, it was midnight, on New Year’s Eve and they were in their separate rooms. Phil thought of going to see if Dan was okay, but he shook it off. He thought of the New Year’s Eve of 2009 where they’d shared their first kiss, and his heart broke a little. Where did he go wrong?

-

Phil woke up on at 5 AM a little shaken from a nightmare he was having. He stood up and decided to make himself some coffee. He passed Dan’s door, and checked from the crack on the door. He saw Dan sleeping soundly, his chest rising and falling. Phil gave a sigh of relief. at least Dan wasn’t having nightmares. He walked to the kitchen, being as quiet as he could and made himself a cup of tea, and just incase, he made Dan one too, and left it on the kitchen counter. 

After checking twitter, and then tumblr, Phil noticed Dan had answered a question. 

“Is phan real?” asked by Anonymous

I don’t understand why everyone is asking this. Phil and I are completely platonic. P-L-A-T-O-N-I-C. We’re just friends, end of story.

answered by danisnotonfire 8:57 AM

Phil couldn’t believe it. Dan had been acting like this for a while, this was probably from the 6th post about this, and Phil didn’t like it, he didn’t like it one bit. Just friends don’t sleep in the same bed. Just friends don’t make out after having too much whiskey. They were dating for fuck’s sake, what’s wrong with the world knowing?

-

It was 7 P.M and tea on the kitchen counter was untouched and cold. They were in their respectable rooms, not a word from either of them, nothing but silence. Phil would hear Dan walk to the bathroom, and could feel him lingering by his door, and Phil hoped, and prayed that Dan would just come in, but he didn’t. He heard his shuffled footsteps, a few minutes later, walking back, and closing the door behind him. Nothing but silence followed.

Phil had had it. Another day had passed, with nothing but silence. The silence drove Phil crazy. He’d rather have Dan yell at him, he’d rather not eat for months than have him be silent. Tonight was the night, he was going to ask Dan what was wrong.

It was dinner, and they sat in silence, Dan fiddling with his fork. Phil coughed and Dan looked up, and Phil almost lost breath looking at him. Dan gave a simple smile, (which was so unlike him after the events of the past few days) but the smile is what broke Phil. Dan had bags under his eyes, and his eyes were pleading for help. He was lost.

“Dan,” Phil said softly, “why haven’t you talked to me? Where did I go wrong?” Dan looked up. Without a word, he took his plate of pasta and went to the kitchen to put it away. Phil sighed, he was dodging the questions.

“Dan, listen to me. If you don’t want the world to know about us, it’s fine, I’m fine with that. Just don’t answer the questions at all, it’s no one’s business but ours.” Phil waited for Dan to say something.

“I-I know. You’re right, but “

“But nothing Dan. It’s none of their business. After all, what’s so bad about telling the world we love each other?”

“I don’t think we still do,” Dan croaked. Phil had no words, they stared at eachother for a few seconds, Phil trying to fathom what Dan had uttered. 

“Is this it then?” Phil finally managed to mumble. “Are you…are we…over?” Phil wanted to scream. He couldn’t take it, so he grabbed his coat, put on his boots and headed toward the door.

“Phil! No! Please don’t leave me! No it’s not what I meant! I’m just a little…please don’t go!” Dan grabbed Phil’s arm, and Phil felt the tight grip. He looked gazed into Dan’s eyes, Dan was crying. Phil loved Dan, Phil loved Dan so much, but he couldn’t do this any longer. He needed some time. He needed to go away for a little bit. 

“I’ll be back,” Phil said, a little reassuringly, and the door closed behind him. 

-

It was at 2 AM in the morning and Dan truly felt alone. He took another shot of vodka, wondering weather it was his 5th or 6th one. His head hurt and he was so, so tired. It was at night that he lost his mind. It had only been 5 hours since he had fucked up, 5 hours since his heart was shattered, 5 hours since he’d lost someone he cared about, 5 hours since Phil left, with a door slamming Dan’s face; 5 hours since Dan realized how lonely he truly was.

He sat there, clutching his blankets, close to his chest; it was a chilly winter night, but tonight seemed colder than usual. Why did he say that? Why did he ruin everything? He loved Phil, he loved Phil so fucking much, he couldn’t even begin to describe it. If he loved Phil so much, why had he said the things he had? He was terrified, with Phil gone who knows here, he was absolutely terrified. 

He slowly got out of bed, walking into the living room, looking. Silence. Not a single voice was heard, just the clicking of a clock. 

“Ph-Phil?” He said, his voice breaking. Phil was gone. He slumped on the couch, would it be too soon to call for him? No.

___

Phil walked down the road, Dan’s words running through his head. He just didn’t understand. The last few weeks had been rough. Maybe Dan didn’t mean any of it? Maybe Dan was just confused, under pressure? Phil prayed to every god that the “maybe” was a yes. It had to be. 

He walked down the empty street and sat on an empty bus stop. 5 hours had passed since Phil had left the apartment when his phone rings. He almost smiles from glancing at the name. Almost.

“Hello?” Phil says, trying to sound like he didn’t care.

“Ph-Phil? Phil!” Dan’s voice almost broke him. He could tell Dan had been crying. “Please come back, I—the room is spinning and—”

“Dan, calm down, wait, are you drunk?” 

“Phil I need you, please, just come back, please, I’m sorry, please just come back!” Dan sobbed. Phil couldn’t take it. Yes, he was mad, but he was also madly in love. 

“I’m on my way, don’t so anything you’ll regret please,” Phil reassured him. He ran in the winter night, back to the apartment.

-

Phil unlocked the door to find a wine bottle on the floor. He didn’t like this, he had a really bad feeling about this. Dan was slumped on the couch, snoring and covered in a blanket. Phil sat down next to him, and wrapped his arms around him, comforting him. Dan looked so darn cute when he snored, so soft and warm, and Phil couldn’t help but admire his beauty. His hair was curled, and messy and his mouth so kissable.

Dan opened his eyes, and Phil gave a warm smile.

“Phil!” Dan’s voice was full of excitement like a little kid who just woke up from a long nap. “I—ow my head,” he covered his forehead with his hands, looking so tired. 

“Dan it’s okay, I’m here now. Everything will be okay,” Phil said reassuringly, but he wondered. Will it though? Dan’s drunk, he won’t remember anything, and Phil couldn’t decided if that was a good thing or not. 

“Phil, I’m sorry, I don’t know what was going on, it’s just…what if they don’t accept us?” He looked like a lost, hurt puppy.

“Dan, I don’t care about anyone else, and who cares what they say, it’s none of their business. We don’t have to tell them anything, but we don’t have to deny them either.”

“But what about you, do you still love me? Even after I broke everything? After I ruined it all?” They were both standing now; Dan a little wobbly, trying to hold back sobs in between his words. “After I fucking told you I din’t love you anymore, after I lied to you?”

“Dan it’s okay, you need some sleep, we can talk about it tomorrow when you’re sober, and feeling—”

“No it’s not! I want to know—do you still love me? Because I love you, I fucking love you so much I can’t live without you. I don’t care anymore, if you don’t love me back, I don’t give a fuck, but please never leave me, I need you.” 

“Dan—I, of course I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, and it doesn’t matter how many times I repeat it, it’s going to be with the same passion, because every time I say it, I fall in love with you more. i fucking love you so much Dan Howell, that if I had to give up everything, I would, please don’t ignore me anymore…” Phil trailed off, sitting down on the sofa. “Just, please go back to what it used to be like.”

“What it used to be like…” Dan repeated, sitting down beside Phil. Phil put his arm around Dan comfortingly. Dan leaned his head on Phil’s chest, like he used to do before. What it used to be like when they first fell in love. If we can’t fix this, Phil thought, why not start over.

-fin-

**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ i sorry, i don’t know how to end things without them being cheesy


End file.
